7/20/19

Movie Review: The Emoji Movie

Let me start by saying this. TJ Miller, congratulations on playing the lead character in a major motion picture. That's awesome. I'm just so sorry it had to be this piece of crap movie.

Okay, this movie completely lacks any semblance of a story. There's an Emoji named Gene that makes the wrong face during a text that the phone's owner, Alex, tries to send to his love interest. This starts a stream of mild inconveniences which Gene attempts to then fix. I don't even care if he succeeded or not. I guess there is SOME story, it's just a very short and weak one.

*Editor's Note: I felt like I wasted precious moments of my life just selecting screen grabs for this review. - Brick

If you haven't noticed, I and a million other people think that this movie is a train wreck. For a fleeting minute I thought that this movie would comment upon the shallow nature of modern society. Instead, it's just a nonstop stream of product placements. If anything, it only shows how shallow and detached kids can be. For example, what could loosely be called the climax of the movie involves Alex and his love interest, Addie, sharing an exchange. Alex sends Addie a text with an emoji and she says something to the effect of "You're so good at showing your emotions". How does using emojis qualify as showing emotions?! As if this is some resolution to strive for!

Anyway, here are some particular things I immensely disliked or didn't understand about this movie:

1) The name of the city they live in is called Textopolis (Roll my eyes).

2) Why did they feel compelled to include a quick divorce storyline in there? "Ya know what kids love? Divorced parents!"

3) Better jokes could be written by a 4 year old, with a tenuous grasp of the English language.

4) Sir Patrick Stewart plays the poop emoji?! You couldn't find anything else for him to do?

I'm giving this dumpster fire of a movie -6/5 mustaches.

-Dirty Dave