Game Review: Mount Your Friends


Where do I begin. Let us start with categorizing the game. It is a homoerotic climbing simulator with QWOP-esque controls and spinning dong physics. Now... if you read that last sentence and were offended, this is not the game for you. Conversely, if you read that last sentence and were overcome with a fit of laughter that resulted in you losing control of your bladder... then this game is for you.

The object of the game is to climb as high as you can, using your own and your opponents team members as a flesh ladder. To keep the game going you must scale ever so slightly higher up than your opponent's previous climb. You control each limb of your man with a separate button. If you have ever played the game QWOP then you know how hilarious this can be when things go amiss. When you hold the button down you move the limb, and when you release the button it sticks to whatever surface it is currently on. Once you get the hang of this mechanic, you will find yourself cart wheeling up your man-tower with ease in a feat of athletic ability and awkwardness only achievable by those little muscular men in banana hammocks.

Oh and did I mention the spinning dong physics? Completely unnecessary but at the same time so crucial to the game's feel and aesthetic. No matter what you do, your man bits will swing to and fro like a meat pendulum. My personal crowning achievement in a match was to beat my opponent's climb using the tip of my little guy's little guy as the highest point. It should also be noted that the game's orchestral score heightens the intensity as you are scaling to the summit of man mountain. It adds a sense of epic scale that is so out of place that it feels right at home in this odd game.

My only real gripe was that setting up local multiplayer games for more than two people using their team system is kind of confusing. The interface for naming your team and getting started could be a whole lot simpler, but it doesn't detract from the fun to be had; it merely delays it for a few seconds. The game is super fun for local co-op with friends whose immaturity is only rivaled by your own. Mount Your Friends is a source of endless laughs and fun. Plus, what better way to bond with all your best friends than to take control of nearly-nude bodybuilders and virtually mount them? Plus the game is only a dollar. You can't even buy a chocolate bar for that little any more. What are you waiting for... go on and Mount Your Friends.


- Brick

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